“It’s not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.” – Ann LandersParenting is a beautiful feeling which comes naturally when you hold your bundle of joy, your baby, in your hands. As you help your child grow and blossom into a responsible, mature person, you’ll start visualizing things from an entirely new perspective.
Facing the challenges as 21st century parents is not easy. Both parents are mostly working, and less time is devoted in the upbringing of the children. Due to the time constraints, sometimes, the parents cross the frail line between pampering and discipline. Tantrums and pampering, thus, go hand in hand. Parents feel that if they give into the demands or pamper their child with whatever he demands, they might be able to pacify the child. And if they do not give in, it may lead to more violent tantrums and temper related issues. However, this perception generally makes the lurking issue more challenging.
Tantrums are a normal part of your child’s growing up phase, as a child learns to become more independent. Tantrums usually last between two and fifteen minutes, and violent ones that last longer than 15 minutes may be a sign of a more serious problem. A temper tantrum is when a child has an unplanned outburst of anger and frustration. Tantrums can be physical, verbal or both. Your child may act out, be disruptive and generally display unpleasant behaviour. As a parent, you must analyze the reason behind this – do they need something they can’t express with words? If so, try keeping a check on his/her activities, friends, and other daily habits. The child should at no point experience unwanted intrusion, and hence, this should be done subtly.
It’s quite common for kids of 7 to 8 years to act irritably and in an unpredictable manner. Pre-tweens feel more stressed about school and friendships. As a parent, one should focus on the types of tantrums, for example, tantrums to attract attention or demand something or tantrums to refuse to do something. It is also important that the parent is attuned to the mood swings the child might have. Every age group has their own set of behavior, and hence it should be taken into consideration before deciding how the child is to be treated.
If you are raising a teenager or even a pre-teen, chances are that you have your fair share of slamming of doors, rolling of eyes, and stamping of feet or even an occasional throwing of objects across the room that helps you identify their mood. Sometimes, it will be accompanied by a “leave me alone” or “fine.” These may seem like justifiable reactions sometimes but otherwise can feel completely unwarranted and dramatic. When it feels like all you are trying to do is communicate and your child is just being sullen and disagreeable, tension can rise, temper can flare and both parties can be left feeling frustrated and annoyed. Punishments are doled out, which only increase the resentment and the attitude.
The truth is that every parent and child go through this phase. Each of us have had mood swings and behaved irrationally towards our parents while growing up and today, we deal with our offspring doing the same to us. Mood swings are a normal, characteristic development at certain stages of a child’s life and while it can be frustrating to deal with, it doesn’t make your child a bad child, and your inability to cope with the situation doesn’t make you a bad parent. So, while you can’t cure your child of his or her mood swings, you can find ways to work through it and more importantly, help her or his through it.
In this contemporary society, parents often struggle to develop positive parenting. As we all know, good parenting is always positive parenting. As a parent one should follow the 3 F’s which is Firm, Fair and Friendly. When we talk about “Being Firm” it is related to the consequences which should be clearly stated and adhered to when the inappropriate behaviour is seen related to food, mood swings or any other issue. It is equally important to be fair. Harsh punishment is not welcome. If you are firm, this situation should not arise. But in case of recurring bad behaviour, consequences should be stated in advance so that the child knows what to expect. A simple “Time Out” or “Silent Corner” can be effective when it is used consistently every time the behavior occurs. Use of reward also very effective when it comes to being fair, and so is praising your child. But this also should not go beyond limits that it starts to seem less genuine and more like a bribe. If this happens, the child knows how to have his way. We think we are smart, but our child is far ahead of us in the realm of smartness!
The last one is Friendly. Have affection for your child. Recognize his or her accomplishments. Help your child develop a sense of responsibility—ask them to help with household chores such as setting the table or watering the plants. Talk with your child about school, friends, and things they look forward to in the future. Share with them the importance of respecting others. Encourage them to help people in need. Use a friendly but firm communication style letting a child know what is acceptable. Encourage them to try to remember what they should do to avoid future consequences. As a parent, communicate in a friendly manner with your child to know the reason behind the tantrums. Understand what really lies beneath the tantrum. Support your child in taking on new challenges. Encourage them to solve problems, such as a disagreement with another child, on their own. Encourage your child to join school and community groups, such as a team sports, or other activities.
Inculcating hobbies in your child is extremely essential. It is common to see children busy with their e-gadgets. It is essential that they are engaged with real friends in real sports ground! Dancing, singing, creative writing, playing games can channelize their spurt of energies transforming their lives! Parents must lend their helping hands to give their children a life where they can communicate better and find a purpose for their lives.
To conclude, parents must do everything in their might to give their children a good start in life by nurturing, protecting, and guiding them. Parenting is a never-ending process that prepares your child to grow up as a smart, independent, a non-fussy and a non- judgmental person with a strong value system. Let’s raise good human beings to be the future bright citizens of this world! Let’s savour the happiness to see them growing beautifully and spreading their intoxicating elixir of zeal, enthusiasm, and foresight.
“Happiness is when you realize your children have turned out to be good human beings, by raising them right.
Author: Juhi Srivastava, PRT English, MRIS Noida
